My 9 year old is exhausting & inspiring all at the same time. He expects me to entertain him without realising how much entertainment he brings to our lives with his wit, humour and charm. I am completely in awe of him, but knackered, wondering how long it will be before he can fend for himself.

My mum had four kids, she worked, kept a home and was, of course, a dutiful wife while raising us, each of us were horrible unruly munchkins, expectant of our mothers services. Growing up in a traditional Indian home,  we constantly had family or friends over, so most weekends disappeared with her cooking & feeding everyone who enjoyed her food, which usually meant the entire local neighbourhood. I don’t recall her ever taking time out to do anything for herself, including disappearing for hours just to find some sanity, as i now find myself doing, occasionally !!

Whilst growing up I never gave her the respect she deserved, being a confident, unruly tom boy, I thought I knew it all. So when my one answers me back with the same gusto i did with my mum, i feel a pang of guilt for what i put my mum through. Thus, I now realise that i knew very little, so when she gives me advice, regardless of whether I am seeking her advice or just there to be told,  I listen with intent!!!!

I don’t dare complain being a mother to 1 either to her, or to the mothers out there raising their kids. I don’t even pretend to imagine how hard it must be. I run around like a blue ass fly, determined to give him a full life in a happy secure environment that he can relish in, whilst exposing him fully to his culture & certain traditions. Even if i have to learn it first in order to teach him !! I now wish I had paid a little more attention to my mother as i was growing up when she was trying to impart some skills to me.

I think I’m slowly reaching success, but i am nothing short of knackered.

I have, on many occasions, asked myself whether its worth it?? I realise thats a question which good mothers should not ask themselves, but well, my life has been invested in this little Being so i want to have all the facts at hand so i can reach my own decision.

The answer i always come back to is, YES. Watching him grow i realise this is HIS childhood, he’s only going to have one and I’ve only got one shot of it.

I think i am saved by the fact that i have had my opportunities, i lived my life to the full before i had him so i don’t resent sacrificing my time and any youth i may have left. It would hurt my heart if he didn’t recall his childhood with a smile on his face or if his future wife didn’t feel blessed to be married to him. So i, like millions of you out there, sacrifice my time so that i may focus my energies to supporting his childhood. I know how blessed we are that we can  witness him grow and hopefully become a remarkable young man. Hopefully  then i will have the opportunity to sleep more and do all the things that i selfishly love.

You will note i did not say that i was willing to sacrifice my Being in order to raise my son. My Being as is the same of my husbands is what will reflect onto his soul in moulding him into the young adult and man he will become in the same way my mum & dads true selfs have seeped onto our characters in forming our individual personalities.

Just a note to say my experiences have led me to my personal take on motherhood. After suffering a late miscarriage, before going on to have our son,  i thought motherhood would define me, i needed to have kids, note the plural, in order to feel like a success as a woman, normal !! On losing After losing our daughter i made a pact with God in that instance, whilst sitting on the hospital bed, with her in my arms , knowing our time with her was running out and they were due to take her away, any minute now.However painful it was, and believe me , it was, i still have a lump in my throat recalling it, i accepted that I, was not entitled to children just because thats what i envisioned for myself, maybe i should not automatically assume such gifts.  I decided that if we were lucky enough to have a child i would invest myself and time into that Being, raising him/ her and letting them out in the big wide world when the time was right. I still believe that to this day, God has given me the purest gift of all and rather than assuming he belongs entirely to me and my husband, i consider him to belong to his family, friends, community and all that will surround him. So, as you can imagine i don’t take this task lightly, it is the most important and difficult jobs in the world.

I take my hat off to my mum and dad for keeping us safe and raising 4 well adjusted kids. Lets hope were successful with our little man.

By Ravinder Menon

Instragram : bindermenon

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